Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Day 2.

Well, it's 10:00 at night and I have yet to post. Why? Not because I fell off and ate sugar, but because I am like so many people who are Gung Ho about something and then soon after,  fall off. That is what I have done in the past. But, tonight, aha! I conquered ONE moment. It was a Bday celebration at a meeting tonight and of course there was cake. With frosting. I made someone take a bite of the frosting and describe it. It gave me an uncomfortable amount of pleasure even just hearing it described.

So, today, I have given a lot of thought about sugar and it being a reward. Yes, we have heard that it activates your reward system in your brain, but what I am talking about is how it triggers emotional rewards. Growing up, we were most likely rewarded for something we did "right" or "well" with a "treat". Our treats meant  we were special, we mattered, we did the right thing...we were loved. As I look back at my history, I realize the moments that my mother veered away from her tofu hawking ways and allowed me a treat, were special moments. Usually they meant that something big had just happened. We take a pee in the potty for the first time, we get M&M's. We pass a big test, we get a cupcake. When and why has sugar been a reward for life's accomplishments.

Sugar is made like a drug, right? I've heard it is made by refining sugar cane, a process involving many chemicals. And the effects to the brain are similar to cocaine. The sugar industry, like the tobacco industry, has gotten away with it for a long time. And here's the problem, I still want it. I know that my mother passed from pancreatic cancer and I have to watch my sugar, but I still want it. Wow.

So, after my meeting, I usually stop for frozen yogurt, but tonight I didn't. I came home and had air popped popcorn. I am a big believer in replacement therapy. Replace one harming thing for something else. And more over gratitude...

Today I am grateful for:

1. Getting through an anxious moment with ease and grace...in the past it probably would have blown it up into a full panic attack
2. Friends
3. The realization of how far I have come in my life and knowing how much I still have yet to work on. We are all works of art in various states of progress. 
4. Progress, not perfection.
5. My husband's patience with me.

Physical symptoms today:
1. Anxiety
2. Slight headache

OK, sugar addicts. This Sugar Whore is going to sleep, proud of her sugar free day. 

Yours Truly-
Sugar Whore

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